My Greatest Helper

To say that KK loves his brother would be an understatement.  He just can't get enough of ET and honestly, I think ET can't get enough of KK.  Today, KK was in my room wanting to play video games on my TV while I folded laundry in the other room.  KK asked if ET could stay with him.  ET just laid there looking at his big brother.  When ET would start whimpering KK would put his binky back in his mouth.  I had 20 mins of peace while I folded, it was wonderful.  But today isn't an isolated incident.  As I have looked through the pictures I have, there are many times that KK has wanted to help take care of his little brother.  Here are a few pictures to enjoy!

KK holding ET for the very first time

At the hospital...hanging out with his brother.  KK actually brought his pink blanket and told me that he will share the blanket with his brother.

My camera phone light is too bright for these two but they love each other

KK ALWAYS wants to hold his brother.

ALWAYS!

This is the first time that ET was given a bottle,  He ate it like a champ.  No nipple confusion on this boy!

They love bath time together!

KK loves walking around the house like this until he remembers that he can't run with the baby like that!

He likes playing with him and doing weird things...like putting ET into a box filled with packing peanuts

ET has no idea what's going on

These next pictures are typical/everyday KK and ET reactions to each other

This picture cracks me up

KK LOVES getting in his face.  Sometimes it scares ET and he starts crying, then KK gets very sad and thinks his brother hates him, when in fact KK just scared him.  I've tried to explain that most people don't like someone putting their face in front of another's so close

I'm so in love with my family and I am grateful for the wonderful love and support both Mr H. and KK gives to me as I try and take care of the baby.  I really can't imagine my life without any one of my boys!

A New Father's Perspective

 I wanted to post about my perspective on Emron's birth. For me, it was an entirely new experience. Before Emron, I was already a father of 2 boys, G and KK. Of course, KK is not my biological son, as he was 2 when Mrs. H. and I started dating. G is also not mine biologically. He was 17 months old when his mom (my ex) and I started dating, and I raised him ever since, officially adopting him when he was 4. Mrs. H's pregnancy with Emron started a new chapter in my life, a chapter filled with things and experiences that are entirely new to me. I was so happy to experience the pregnancy with Mrs. H. and see how Emron grew inside her. I never missed a single appointment because I wanted to learn everything I could and understand as much as possible about the pregnancy and birth. I also wanted to be a strong supporter for Mrs. H., and I didn't want to miss a single chance to hear our unborn baby's heartbeat.

Because I had never had a child biologically, I had no idea what to expect with labor and delivery. My preconceived notions and ideas about labor and delivery came mostly from movies and tv, which are far from realistic. We had several false alarms with contractions that faded out but got my hopes up and got me excited for when Mrs. H. finally went into labor. When I convinced Mrs. H. to get a chiropractic adjustment, I had a feeling it might help. It turned out to be just what we needed to get things moving. Just after the adjustment, she called me to tell me that she was 85% sure her water broke, but it wasn't a gushing breakage. I was super excited and was rushing to get everything taken care of at work so I could leave. Then just a couple minutes later, Mrs. H. called again and told me she was certain now, because she finally got the gushing breakage. By this point, I had about 10 minutes of work left to do, so I finished that up really quickly and headed home to get ready for the birth.

Once I got home, I immediately started timing Mrs. H's contractions to see how long they were and how far apart they were. I was surprised to see that over the span of an hour, most of Mrs. H's contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart and 35-45 seconds in duration. I know the information from our doctor's office recommended going to the hospital once her water broke or once the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart for an hour. We had both criteria met, so I tried to convince Mrs. H. to head to the hospital. She was reluctant, but after I said we could take our time and get some lunch and a few things on the way, she agreed. We arrived at the hospital about 90 minutes later after a good meal and picking up some items from the store, that we needed for our hospital bag. By the time we parked at the hospital, Mrs. H's contractions had gotten down to 2-3 minutes apart, so I thought things might move along fairly quickly. As you all know from her previous posts, Mrs. H's contractions slowed down once they had her confined to a bed. I had no idea that things could move along so quickly, then stall out like that, especially after her water broke. I was glad that we were able to try natural things to get the contractions going again, before we had to resort to medication. I was so proud of Mrs. H. for being so tough and fighting through 16 hours of irregular contractions and back labor, before she decided it was time to get an epidural. I tried very hard to help her through everything and help her relax. Thankfully, our friend was our birth coach and she helped me to remember what I needed to do in order to help Mrs. H. as much as possible.

Once the epidural had taken effect and initial pitocin was started, there was a little progress with contractions and Mrs. H. became more dilated, which got me excited that I would soon see my baby born. It took a mild increase in the pitocin dosage to really get the contractions where they needed to be, but once that happened, Mrs. H. finally dilated to where she needed to be. The nurses and our midwife had Mrs. H. labor down for another 20 minutes before they wanted her to start pushing, which helped Emron move lower to reduce the amount of pushing that would need to be done. As that time came to a close and they were getting things set up for Emron to be born, I decided I should make a quick bathroom trip before things really got moving, because I expected the pushing to last awhile. Luckily, on my way back from the bathroom, I saw KK and Mrs. H's dad coming down the hallway, so I grabbed them and had them both go into the room to give her a hug. I knew that seeing KK would help Mrs. H. get through the toughest part of her labor. As soon as they left the room, it was time to push, so they got Mrs. H. propped up and in position to start pushing, and I decided to stay at the head of the bed to support her. By the time she was in position though, they said they could see Emron's head, so I decided to be brave and face what I feared would be a grizzly sight, and I went to the foot of the bed to see how things would unfold. I gave my phone to Mrs. H's sister so she could call my mom, so she could hear Emron be born and hear his first cry as well as the announcement of the gender. I hit dial and handed the phone off. As I did that, Mrs. H. gave her first big push (the first one didn't do anything because she didn't hold her breath) and Emron's head popped right out. This part scared me because a pretty big rush of blood came out too, but when the midwife and nurses didn't seem to worry, I figured that was normal. Only a couple seconds later, Mrs. H. pushed again and Emron came rushing all the way out! I remember seeing him reach up with his right arm as soon as it was free, and seeing him wiggling around. The whole thing happened so fast, the call to my mom hadn't even connected yet. It was only about 15 seconds, maybe 20 at the most. As soon as I saw Emron come all the way out and move around, I completely lost it. I knew I would be a bit emotional, but I started crying my eyes out at the sight of my baby being born. It was almost hard to see through my tears, but I rushed to the head of the bed and rubbed Mrs. H's arm and heard her say that we had a boy. Once I heard Emron cry, I just had to touch him, so I softly felt his head while they were cleaning him up as he was laying on Mrs. H's chest. That was the most amazing thing I had ever seen happen. I watched as the nurses and midwife did all they needed to do, and after a short while, they said I could cut his umbilical cord. That was pretty cool and so different for me. After that, they needed to weigh him and get him all cleaned up and do the usual stuff, but I couldn't let him out of my sight, so I followed the nurses all over our room as they moved him around to do all of their duties. I was just so amazed to see this new life start and I just had to touch him and feel him as much as I could, even though I mostly just felt his hands, feet, and softly touched his head. I couldn't stop talking to him and looking at him as closely as I could. I focused on looking at him and talking to him so much, that I didn't even know what the nurses were doing with him.

Once they finished, they bundled him up and carried him over to Mrs. H. so she could hold him more. While they did that, I went out to the hallway to let KK and Mrs. H's dad know that we had a beautiful baby boy. When I tried to speak, nothing came out but some squeaks and crying, and of course lots of tears, so KK was afraid something was wrong. I managed to get out the words to tell KK that he had a baby brother, and I told him that everything was fine, that I was just super happy. He immediately got super excited and jumped up and down, and Mrs. H's dad was super happy too. We all went into the room together so they could hold Emron. KK held him right away and was beyond thrilled to be holding his little brother, until he felt something warm and wet. We knew right away that Emron just peed on his big brother. KK handed him back to me and I carried him over to the warming table, where I unwrapped him and we realized that Emron pooped on KK too. I guess he really wanted to start their sibling rivalry off with a bang. After getting some fresh blankets wrapped around Emron, I finally got to really cuddle with him and take in the moment, which is hard to put into words, but I'll try to.

I could only come up with one way or analogy to describe seeing my baby born into this world. It was like seeing the door of Heaven open up for just a few seconds, and feeling just a bit of Heaven's perfectness spill out onto me. To put it into a more Earthly analogy, imagine walking around all day in the sweltering summer heat, and then knocking on the door of a loved one's house. When that door is opened for your loved one to come out and greet you, you feel a short blast of cold air rush out from the A/C. It's that little bit of bliss that slips out and hits you, that feels amazing. Seeing Emron born, and knowing that he was just with our Heavenly Father, waiting to join our family in this world, was that door opening, and I could feel our Heavenly Father's love, and the perfectness that He created, slip out of Heaven onto us in that moment. It's something I don't think I can ever forget!

On the Road to Recovery

When I was pregnant with ET, I felt overwhelmed like a lot of new moms, what to pack for the hospital, what's the birth plan, another c-section or VBAC, how was the birth going to go, recovery?  Tons of questions and some wouldn't be answered until the baby was delivered.  There was a lot of reading and a lot of talking to others.  I don't think it helped my anxiety reading about other peoples horror stories about birth and recovery, I even had my very own Horror Story.  And every single person's experience is different, it was hard to get an idea of what I should expect. Therefore, I didn't know what to expect when I did give birth.

I knew that I wanted to try for a VBAC, I did NOT want another c-section.  That was too difficult for me to recover from, granted, a normal (non-critical emergency) c-section may be an easier recovery than I had, as well as taking time to heal (I went back to work one week after having KK!).  I knew the only reason for a c-section for baby #2 was if there was no other choice (for the baby's safety, my safety, etc).

I knew that I wanted to try a natural birth.  I didn't know if I would be able to last very long but I wanted to see how far I could go before asking for an epidural, because in my birth plan, I didn't want anyone to suggest drugs to me.  I wanted to ask for them when it became unbearable.  I was afraid that if someone suggested something that I would cave in and I didn't want to cave, until I just couldn't take it anymore.

I also knew that I wanted to have a birth coach with me, to help me focus my energy and to remind me to relax and breath.  This was Mr H.'s first birth experience and he had no idea what he was getting himself into.  I wanted to have someone forcing me to stay on task and she was able to.  I also needed someone who was going to be my advocate and she was able to do that too.

Once I had ET, I felt great.  I didn't know a person could feel that good after having a baby.  I seriously wanted to do it again!  That's crazy talk, but I really wanted to give birth again!  I must have had special hormones running through me, but I told Mr H. that I couldn't wait to get pregnant and have another baby!  I NEVER felt like that after KK.  It was such a high!  And because of the epidural, I didn't quite feel the pain.  And even once the epidural faded, the pain was tolerable as long as I took my medication, although, a couple times I had to ask for vicodin because the motrin wasn't strong enough.

Going to the bathroom (#1) was alright for the most part as long as I had that warm water spray bottle to spray on myself.  Showers helped too.  I never used the sitz bath or the tucks pads but brought both of them home.  Showers were great, being able to get clean made me feel like another woman and the warm water helped with the pain.  Most of the pain came from ripping, I was so swollen...but that's what happens!  The whole time, I kept thinking, that this recovery was WAY better than a c-section!  After having a VBAC, I could never chose a c-section.

While at home, recovery continued and was tolerable as long as I took my medication.  Even when ET ate, I couldn't feel my uterus contracting.  I still continued to use the warm water spray when using the bathroom.  And finally when I went #2, it was scary but wasn't as bad as I was expecting.

This recovery has been better than I could have hoped for.  I've been able to move around, get up and down, walk KK to the school bus, do a bit of housework, bend over, etc.  I feel like I can do anything...although, Mr H. won't let me.  He makes me sit down and rest, he knows that I will push myself too much.  He's been taking great care of me.  I'm lucky to have him.

Today, at 16 days post delivery, I feel probably about 90% recovered.  I haven't taken any medication in 3 days, the swelling is down, the bathroom trips aren't scary anymore, I'm able to carry the carseat without difficulties, and I'm getting out and about a lot.  I've also lost 21 pounds so far!  I am grateful for this speedy recovery.  I know that my experience with recovery is NOT what all woman go through but I'm hoping that this is typical for me, for the sake of the next child and the next.

KK's 1st Surgery

Like I mentioned before in these posts, KK has horrible bloody noses and after a referral to the ENT, it was recommended that he have a cauterization done to the very large blood vessels.  Wednesday August 14th was the day it was to take place.  My dad and Mr H. took the day off so that they could be with him too.  Have I mentioned before how lucky I am to have great men in my life!?  Well, let me digress for a moment.  I am super grateful for the men in my life and the example they set for my son.  My hope is that he too, will one day be as great or greater than these men.  So the 4 of us headed to the local Children's hospital.  KK's surgery started at 9am, but we needed to be there 2 hours beforehand.  The waiting rooms were super small and could only hold 2 visitors, my dad stayed in the main waiting room while Mr H. and I could stay with KK.  At one time, I switched out with my dad so that Mr H. and him could give KK a Priesthood Blessing before the procedure.

We had talked to KK last night and explained what was going to happen (we did not mention an IV), that he was going to be given some medication to make him go to sleep but that he'll think he just closed his eyes for a second.  KK was excited about having medicine that would make him fall asleep and was eager to try it out.  BUT, me, on the other hand, I was super nervous and anxious.  I don't think I would have been so nervous if I were not in the medical field.  Let me digress again, once when I was observing a surgery, the patient in the room next to us was an 18 year old male who was getting his tonsils out (Routine, right!?  Small surgery right!? No problem, wrong!).  He went into cardiac arrest because of an adverse reaction to the anesthesia.  The doctors ended up opening his chest and defibrillating his heart.  Long story short, he made it, but I DO KNOW that there is a possibility of things going very wrong and that's why I was so nervous for KK.  I prayed for the doctors and nurses that everything would go smoothly for KK's surgery.

After the blessing, my dad came back out so that I could go back into the room with KK.  He had 2 nurses and they asked me the general questions they needed to, allergic to anything, past surgeries, born premature, etc?  They also asked if he had any loose teeth, which I thought was a little odd, but after thinking about it, it made complete sense...they didn't want them falling out during the surgery.  They took note of the "comfort items" KK wanted to bring with him...Monkey Chow and Dolphi, which are pictured below.

The PICU nurse who will be taking care of KK right after the surgery came in and explained to us that she will be with him and taking care of him until he is stable enough to come back to the room, which would be about 20 mins after the completion of the procedure.  When she was finished the anesthesiologist came in and explained things to KK and to Mr H. and I.  I asked about the IV, and she told me that they do it after he is "sleeping" so there is no anxiety/stress over getting that inserted when he is awake.  I thought that was a genius idea!  After meeting with her, the doctor came by and was very brief with us.  I had some questions for him such as how was the procedure done, liquid nitrogen and the cauterization tool is how he would perform it.

After we had met with everyone, KK was prescribed liquid Versed, which is used for anxiety and can make a person sleepy.  It only took about 10 mins for the effect to take place.  KK was saying he felt dizzy and kept moving around, he also ended up with hiccups.  He looked like a 6 year old drunk.  We did get a video, but it's on Mr H's phone.  Then, finally it was "go time" and he was wheeled away.  I thought it would be a good time to use the restroom, but the restroom was closed for cleaning so I just talked with my dad for a while until the restroom was open again...about 15 mins went by and it still wasn't open but I thought I should go back to KK's room to wait for the doctor, who was going to come by when he was finished with KK.  By the time I got back to the room, the doctor had already come by and talked with Mr H.  Oops, I didn't want to miss it, but Mr H. did a great job asking about recovery and if he needed to be careful during gym or when he could go back to soccer practice.  The doctor also told him that they removed his lower right lateral incisor and they kept it for him in a specimen cup to take home

I still needed to use the bathroom and we told the nurses that we would be out in the waiting room if they needed to find us.  I was able to finally use the bathroom and after about 15 mins the nurses came out to get us.  KK was already in the room.  He was OUT!  The nurses told me that they needed to make sure that he would wake up, but that wasn't going to happen.

It reminded me of this picture of when I was brought back to my recovery room after general anesthesia.  I don't remember this photo being taken or anything else that happened the day I had KK.

The anesthesiologist brought KK a white cherry slushy but he was so tired that he had a hard time drinking it and would suck it into his mouth but would forget to swallow.  He was sooo out of it.  Poor baby.  After a while we were given the "go ahead" to go home.  We were given a wheel chair so he could be transported that way.  The nurses were apprehensive of me lifting him because I'm so pregnant, but I do it at home too...a 55 pound boy is no big deal I suppose.  Mr H. had left to go get the SUV ready and pulled up to the building.

We dropped off my dad at home and Mr H. and I got something to eat at McDonalds.  KK was still out solid.  So we went home and Mr H. carried him inside and laid him on the couch where he just slept and drooled all over the pillow!  After we ate lunch Mr H. needed to go to work and a little while after he left KK woke up and I fed him some small crackers and juice.  He was so confused as to how he got home.  I told him his tooth was missing and this is his picture showing how happy he was to have another tooth gone.

The picture is kind of awkward, I know, but he was still VERY MUCH out of it.  We started watching a movie, but soon after it started he said he needed to throw up.  He was very nauseated.  So I just took care of him the best I could.  Cold wash cloth, sips of sprite, stroking his arm, and singing songs.  Eventually he fell asleep and I just kept everything quiet, I even laid down on the other end of the couch and fell asleep with him.  Until JM called and wanted to see how KK was doing, she said hat she had something for him...I asked her if she could wait an hour while he slept and settled his tummy, but she was adamant and came over.  Bringing him a sundae.  JEM and another kid she watches was with her and they were NOT quiet and ended up waking KK, but KK was glad to see JEM.

I think that (fingers crossed) IF KK ever needed another surgery, I don't think I will be nearly as anxious as this one.  I know how KK reacts to anesthesia and what I need to expect when he comes back, nausea and vomiting and being very sleepy.  I'm glad everything went well and that so far since the surgery, he's only had 1 very small (in comparison to before) bloody nose.  He has a follow up on the 29th.

Attiude of Gratitude

I should be working on the Community paper, High acuity cinical concept map, and my teaching project.  But I wanted to take a little time to make a list of things that I am thankful for, because admist the chaos I have a lot to be thankful for.

My parents - As both my parents and myself have grown we have such an awesome connection.  They are so supportive of me and my education (10 + years-worth).  They love my son and I never have to worry when he is over there.  They are more understanding and more accepting of things than they used to be.  My mom makes the best apple pie.  My dad continually gets on the floor and plays with KK.  I don't remember either of my grandfather's rolling around on the ground with us grandkids, but my dad does.  And most of all he loves my mom, he's taught his children how a man should treat his wife, and in turn, us girls have tried to find men of equal quality as eternal companions.

My siblings - I love them all and they drive me nuts at the same time.  Growing up as the oldest of 6, in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house made for some crazy times.  We have so many inside jokes and crazy stories (Remember the time when...).  It's funny to get together and start talking about the kind of trouble we used to get into.  One day I'm going to write a book for the family detailing these funny moments...

JEM - She is the cutest niece that I have ever met.  She LOVES KK and calls him Day-Day.  She is so super smart.  She can say, juice, mama, dada, day-day, no, and a couple other words I can't think of.  She goes at her own pace...learning to roll over, crawl, and walk.  She is so happy.  I just wanna squeeze her all of the time. 

Friends - I can count on my one hand how many close friends I have had in my life.  I value the relationship that I have with people but rarely do people get to see the real me.  I hide a lot from people...I show them a facade, I have been burned too much and I don't trust people.  But there are a few people who have gotten to know me and love me for the wy I am.  I have met some of the coolest people, who have been able to get me out of my shell and start trusting people again.  You know who you are and I lov you for that

My home - When we married we moved from a 1 bedroom apartment with 4 people to a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo with a backyard.  We were so blessed and thankful about the circumstances which brought us to live here.  We love our little home.  It is perfect for our family right now. 

Mr H.'s job - without it we would not be able to pay bills.  My job only helps out a little, the majority of our oney comes from his job.  It'll be a good transition when I start working, then he will be able to focus on his schooling.

Food - we don't go to bed hungry and for that I am thankful

KK - I don't think words can express how much he means to me.  He has been with me through thick and thin...he has been my rock and the reason I woke up in the mornings.  He is the reason I am still persuing my education.  I love him so much he makes me laugh!  And he makes me realize that there is so much more I need to teach him while we are still here on earth.  A couple nights ago he was having a very hard time and he was very emotional (crying so much he couldn't breathe).  He was upset because he didn't want to move away for college.  I told him that he didn't have to move away that he could stay here and go to college.  I just held him and explained how college worked and then there was a knock on my door and my mom came over (she was dropping off dessert) and she helped to calm him.  Then, before bed he started crying again and worrying about dying.  He was upset about all of his fish and other animals that have died.  He was scared to be alone when he dies.  He worried about what would happen to him if I died.  We talked about heaven and Jesus and how he would never be alone.  I told him that when he gets to heaven he might have this huge house where all of his loved pets and family members are waiting for him.  He would be able to play video games and eat all of the ice cream he wants without getting a tummy ache.  Then he asked when I would die and I told him, "not until I'm really old!"  He looked puzzled and said, "but mom, old people don't like video games!"  We laughed and that made him calm down so that he could go to sleep.  I love that boy so much.

Mr H. - Have I ever mentioned how lucky I am to have him in my life?  He is a great man, husband, and father.  He treats me so good and makes me feel like a queen.  He buys me roses every so often, just because.  We enjoy the same kind of movies and he's always willing to watch a chick flick with me.  He still dates me, meaning that he still likes to plan out dates for us and keeps me guessing and makes me feel wanted.  I know that he will never be unfaithful to me.  And he loves my son. 

There are many more things to be thankful for but these are the top things am thankful for today.

Finding the Good

Like I've said in previous posts, we have had a TON of doctors visits...mostly dentist visits but none-the-less lots of visits. KK went to the dentist and we found out that he needed 3 fillings and 2 crowns, we took care of the fillings and were going to take care of the crowns on Monday. Well, as they were working on his mouth, it was realized that one of the teeth were not salvageable. The tooth was rotting on the inside and it needed to be pulled. I cried, I was upset...I felt like a failure as a mom. I make sure that he brushes and flosses every night, but it wasn't enough to save that tooth.


KK was a trooper, everyone said that he did such a great job. He had a palate shot, which is very painful and that was the only time he yelped. The tooth came out easily, I was told. Because it is a baby tooth and other teeth will shift if there isn't a spacer put in and that could effect the permanent teeth, KK needed to get impressions taken to fit the spacer.


His next visit is the 3rd and they'll put in the spacer and crown his other tooth. I'm glad that we're getting all of this done...but it's still upsetting that as much brushing and flossing, it wasn't enough. And it's been so tough because going to the dentist is NOT cheap and that is why it was put off until now. I just feel like we should have tried to get him in earlier...but we didn't have the money to do it. Urgh! I'm just so torn. But like the title says, I've tried to find the good in this situation.

1) It's BABY teeth! They fall out anyway...
2) when he smiles, you can hardly see that it's missing unless you're REALLY looking for it.

3) Mr H. playing hooky Monday morning and went with me to the visit, I am grateful that he was with me, because I probably would have lost it even more than I did.
4) Sunday, I started following her blog and I realized that one tooth, one tiny baby tooth is so little compared to other things I could be grieving about.
5) Also I have a friend who had a son on a mission in California and he had an accident. He was playing frisbee with some of his companions in a parking lot and he tripped on a cement parking block and fell face/mouth first into the next cement parking block. He broke his lower jaw, knocking out 7 of his bottom teeth and 2 of his top teeth. Those were his permanent teeth.

I've been TRYING to find the good in all things. But it's hard. KK is healthy and beautiful and full of life. I am lucky and my life is good. I just have to remember that I am a good mom, even though I feel like I fail horribly.

Reminiscence

I was reminiscing on my life and the things that I have overcome, succeeded, lost, and been gratified with. There are so many things I want to say, but will save it for my personal journal. But the one person who has stuck by me through the thick and thin of it all is KK. He was my rock when the world around me was crumbling. He was the light in the darkest part of my life. He was the reason I woke up in the morning, the reason I continued school. He's the reason I am still pursuing an education. He's my everything. I love him in his times of happiness and even in his times of complete terror. I am grateful that Heavenly Father saw fit for me to be his mom. I wasn't ready to be a mom at that time. I wanted to wait a couple more years, but I am glad that he came down to earth almost 5 years ago.

I was looking at old pictures and came across this one. I took it 4 years ago today:

He has grown and will continue to grow. Today, after church, he told me about his Sunday school lesson and he said, "...there were these missionaries who had weed [long pause] and they planted this weed to make it grow but the grasshoppers ate the weed and the seagulls ate the grasshoppers. Mom, I really liked that story, can you read that to me tonight!?" First of all, I was thinking "Missionaries had weed!? What are they teaching him!?" But after I understood more of what he was saying I knew what story he was talking about. He has grown into such a wonderful boy. I am excited to see what the future holds for him.

I Confess!

MY KINDLE BROKE!

Gasp!

I know! It wasn't on purpose. I had it in my purse and well....maybe, there was pressure put on the screen and boom! It broke! I was really upset with this because I love my kindle and Mr H. got it for me for Christmas last year. I didn't want him to think I was irresponsible. It was an accident. I panicked and didn't know what to do. And after googling, I decided that I needed a new kindle. And before buying another, I would try calling the Amazon store and let them know what happened to see if there was a chance they might help. And help, they did! They sent me a whole new kindle. I could have kissed the operator who told me they'd send a new one. I was so excited they would do this for me!



I have not used my new kindle yet...I want a kindle case for it before I start using it! I've learned my lesson!

Happy Birthiversary

Remember when!?

Well, I suppose our family doesn't like to remember a whole lot of dates so we combine important events on days that are already important. Take for instance July 31, last year Mr H. and I tied the knot, it was a special day...this year a healthy and beautiful baby niece was born. Talk about the coolest gift. [Sorry Mr H., I love your gifts...but this kinda out did you! lol].

We woke up to a mass text from JM at 6am that said, "My water just broke!!!" I was too darn tired to get up plus I know that births can take a while [especially first births] so I didn't rush out the door or anything. I took my time waking up. KK and I made french toast for Mr H. I did a load of laundry. I took a shower. I was in constance contact with my parents who were at the hospital. When JM went to the hospital she was already at a 7...but did that make me move any faster?...not really! I got the cameras ready, then realized that the charger was missing [RR "accidently" took it from my house! Just like I'm going to "accidently" punch her face if she does that again!]. I told Dad to let me know when JM has the epidural. In the meantime, AA texted and said she tried waking RP up 3 times to take her to the hospital but he won't budge and asked if I could pick her up on the way. Which we did.

At the hospital we received the update outside the room while JM was resting. The physician went to deliver a set of twins at another hospital and would come back after that so that's why everything was quiet. JM was fully dilated but at a -1 station, she rested while we waited. About an hour after we arrive the nurse went in the room and I followed. I asked JM if she was still alright with me being in the room for the delivery...she didn't care as long as there wasn't a restriction from the hospital on the amount of guests. So I set up post for her right leg. Mom had her left and Z was at the head of her bed looking like he was going to pass out. My other sister, RR was there too just to watch.

JEM was still a little high, but JM started pushing. She made it look so easy, she wasn't straining her face, she was pulling up her legs [while mom and I pushed her legs against her chest to help], and she wasn't screaming or even wincing. Finally JEM started coming down, she would crown but then go back into the canal. Putting my nursing skills to work I was wondering if her bladder was full -- maybe that was why she couldn't come out!? I asked JM if she had to go, she wasn't quite sure because of the epidural and the nurse said that she'd emptied her bladder before they put the epidural in but she would try again. Once the straight cath was in JM filled the basin up half way! Poor JEM was being squished from JM's bladder. After she was empty things started speeding up. The doctor was called in and he just finished suiting up as JEM's head came out. As JEM's head came out JM gave a whimper of pain, but that was the only time. JEM's umbilical cord was wrapped around her shoulder like a purse strap.

JEM
Born: July 31, 2011
At: 2:39pm
Weighing: 6 pounds 10 ounces
Length: 20.5 inches


Z cutting the cord

When she came out she had this very quiet crying. She hated my camera and wouldn't stop crying until she was back with her mom.

Look at her log nails!

Happy Family Photo

Very special moment when JEM was given a Priesthood Blessing

Mr H. was so cute holding JEM, he was a very proud uncle. Doesn't he look like a pro holding her!?

JM did beautifully giving birth. JM made it seem like she did this all the time. She tore a little and was stitched once on either side but everything looked great. I am very proud of JM and I am very grateful that she let me be a part of this very special day. Thank you JM. The easy part is over and done with...now the hard part begins.

Oh, and not to forget...Happy Anniversary Tom! I can't believe it's been one whole year. At times it feels like it was just the other day and sometimes it feels like we've been married longer than a year. And in all actuality we have been married longer than a year, just not to each other. :) We've been through more in one year than a lot of couples have gone through their entire lives. I am grateful to have you as a companion. I am very lucky to have you.

I am grateful...

So, remember when I was talking about all of the trials we have been going through? I was hoping that it couldn't get any worse, until now...now I know that it can. Before I explain what's going on let me explain how it began.

About a week ago, I told Mr H. that my car was making a weird noise and at time's it felt like the power steering goes out. He told me not to worry and he would check it out once finals were done. I still felt horrible in the pit of my stomach every time heard the noise.

On Thursday Dad asked if I would be available to help pack up JM's hospital room because more than likely they were sending her home. Since KK was with X and I wasn't doing anything important I went. After parking my car in front of my parent's house we left for the hospital in my dad's truck. At the hospital I packed up everything she had accumulated but before she could leave the physicians wanted her vitals and the vitals of the baby. I needed to head back home because X was dropping KK off soon. Once we pulled up to the house I remembered about the noise my car makes and I asked my dad to look at my car. I started it and turned the wheel until it made the noise and my dad knew what it was. I turned off my car so he could show me what it was. He showed me, I tried to turn my car on, and no go. It would not start! We tried and tried but no luck. But maybe it was luck on my side because if I would have driven it home I would have been stuck on the road and would have had to call a tow truck because my car's steering rack snapped. Bad...right!? Yes, when Mr H. took a look he was surprised that I was able to even drive it for the week. Having my car poop in front of my parents house...I am grateful.

But classes start tomorrow and my car will not be fixed until at least next weekend. This latest trial leaves us with only Mr H's van and his 1972 Triumph, which was in my parents garage. It was very stressful getting it to start. As you can see, it's old and hasn't been started in a while. Mr H. got it to start but it was only running on one cylinder, then it wouldn't start again. Mr H. was getting very upset and I honestly have NEVER seen him as upset as he was that night. And I can understand because we both NEED vehicles but the only running one is the van. After many prayers and pleading, the bike finally started at about 10pm...I am grateful.

Friday, after Mr H. got home from work he fell asleep until the next morning at 10am. About 15 hours of sleeping. He needed it and for that I am grateful.

Since my parents had the boys Mr H. and I decided to go to the Air Force Museum all day. I throughly enjoyed spending time with my husband. And I loved to see the excitement Mr H. had looking at all of the planes. We even saw the Hubble movie, which was very good. We can't wait to see the other movies playing there. I loved holding hands and walking. I loved not worrying about where the kids are. And for that I am grateful.

The Attitude of Gratitude

I had written a huge and long post about some of the things that were going on here at home...some of the trials we are facing, but I decided that I should save it for my own personal journal. But all I want to say about it is that I know everyone has trials going on in their life which are hard to deal with and some of these trials seem like they will never end, some of them will make any sane person want to scream or cry, and some, well, some are just plain unexplainable.

Our family has been hit hard with some pretty unexplainable trials -- one right after the other -- with no break. I seriously feel like my head is almost completely under the water and I can't breathe...I am drowning. I'm really hoping that things start lightening up a bit. So in the mean time I would like to mention a few things that are positives, things that I am grateful for. These positives do not outweigh the bad but...you gotta start somewhere, right!?

Zero:
I am grateful that she is so gentle and loves the boys. She seriously has anxiety when the boys are not here at our house. She is such a funny dog. I am grateful when she stays out of my way (which isn't very much). She is a good doggy.

KK:
Where to start? I am so grateful for KK he is the light in my darkness. He makes me laugh so hard. Just the other day I said something to him and he managed to throw himself into a fit of giggles for about a minute. I don't even remember what I said but it was funny to him. KK is always the first person to remind us to say prayers before eating. He also has the most sweetest spirit about him. I was holding him like a baby yesterday and I kissed him and he asked me to kiss him again and then he told me that he loves cuddling with me. I am very grateful that KK decided to chose me as his mother.

G:
Where to start!? No, really, I don't know where to start. Today he folded a load and a half of laundry and cleaned the counters. G really loves band and theater, he really likes to act! I am grateful for the times that he does play nicely with KK and the times that he is behaving.

Mr H.:
My husband is my best friend. He is my support and my rock. I feel so much support from him. I am grateful that he is the type of guy who likes to talk and can talk to me about anything...especially planes, guns, and the law...which make my ears tired. I love how excited he gets about things that interest him. I am grateful that we met and chose to share our lives together.

Let's hope that spending time thinking about the positives will help me stay grounded and focus on what matters the most.