Monday, September 16, 2013

A New Father's Perspective

 I wanted to post about my perspective on Emron's birth. For me, it was an entirely new experience. Before Emron, I was already a father of 2 boys, G and KK. Of course, KK is not my biological son, as he was 2 when Mrs. H. and I started dating. G is also not mine biologically. He was 17 months old when his mom (my ex) and I started dating, and I raised him ever since, officially adopting him when he was 4. Mrs. H's pregnancy with Emron started a new chapter in my life, a chapter filled with things and experiences that are entirely new to me. I was so happy to experience the pregnancy with Mrs. H. and see how Emron grew inside her. I never missed a single appointment because I wanted to learn everything I could and understand as much as possible about the pregnancy and birth. I also wanted to be a strong supporter for Mrs. H., and I didn't want to miss a single chance to hear our unborn baby's heartbeat.

Because I had never had a child biologically, I had no idea what to expect with labor and delivery. My preconceived notions and ideas about labor and delivery came mostly from movies and tv, which are far from realistic. We had several false alarms with contractions that faded out but got my hopes up and got me excited for when Mrs. H. finally went into labor. When I convinced Mrs. H. to get a chiropractic adjustment, I had a feeling it might help. It turned out to be just what we needed to get things moving. Just after the adjustment, she called me to tell me that she was 85% sure her water broke, but it wasn't a gushing breakage. I was super excited and was rushing to get everything taken care of at work so I could leave. Then just a couple minutes later, Mrs. H. called again and told me she was certain now, because she finally got the gushing breakage. By this point, I had about 10 minutes of work left to do, so I finished that up really quickly and headed home to get ready for the birth.

Once I got home, I immediately started timing Mrs. H's contractions to see how long they were and how far apart they were. I was surprised to see that over the span of an hour, most of Mrs. H's contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart and 35-45 seconds in duration. I know the information from our doctor's office recommended going to the hospital once her water broke or once the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart for an hour. We had both criteria met, so I tried to convince Mrs. H. to head to the hospital. She was reluctant, but after I said we could take our time and get some lunch and a few things on the way, she agreed. We arrived at the hospital about 90 minutes later after a good meal and picking up some items from the store, that we needed for our hospital bag. By the time we parked at the hospital, Mrs. H's contractions had gotten down to 2-3 minutes apart, so I thought things might move along fairly quickly. As you all know from her previous posts, Mrs. H's contractions slowed down once they had her confined to a bed. I had no idea that things could move along so quickly, then stall out like that, especially after her water broke. I was glad that we were able to try natural things to get the contractions going again, before we had to resort to medication. I was so proud of Mrs. H. for being so tough and fighting through 16 hours of irregular contractions and back labor, before she decided it was time to get an epidural. I tried very hard to help her through everything and help her relax. Thankfully, our friend was our birth coach and she helped me to remember what I needed to do in order to help Mrs. H. as much as possible.

Once the epidural had taken effect and initial pitocin was started, there was a little progress with contractions and Mrs. H. became more dilated, which got me excited that I would soon see my baby born. It took a mild increase in the pitocin dosage to really get the contractions where they needed to be, but once that happened, Mrs. H. finally dilated to where she needed to be. The nurses and our midwife had Mrs. H. labor down for another 20 minutes before they wanted her to start pushing, which helped Emron move lower to reduce the amount of pushing that would need to be done. As that time came to a close and they were getting things set up for Emron to be born, I decided I should make a quick bathroom trip before things really got moving, because I expected the pushing to last awhile. Luckily, on my way back from the bathroom, I saw KK and Mrs. H's dad coming down the hallway, so I grabbed them and had them both go into the room to give her a hug. I knew that seeing KK would help Mrs. H. get through the toughest part of her labor. As soon as they left the room, it was time to push, so they got Mrs. H. propped up and in position to start pushing, and I decided to stay at the head of the bed to support her. By the time she was in position though, they said they could see Emron's head, so I decided to be brave and face what I feared would be a grizzly sight, and I went to the foot of the bed to see how things would unfold. I gave my phone to Mrs. H's sister so she could call my mom, so she could hear Emron be born and hear his first cry as well as the announcement of the gender. I hit dial and handed the phone off. As I did that, Mrs. H. gave her first big push (the first one didn't do anything because she didn't hold her breath) and Emron's head popped right out. This part scared me because a pretty big rush of blood came out too, but when the midwife and nurses didn't seem to worry, I figured that was normal. Only a couple seconds later, Mrs. H. pushed again and Emron came rushing all the way out! I remember seeing him reach up with his right arm as soon as it was free, and seeing him wiggling around. The whole thing happened so fast, the call to my mom hadn't even connected yet. It was only about 15 seconds, maybe 20 at the most. As soon as I saw Emron come all the way out and move around, I completely lost it. I knew I would be a bit emotional, but I started crying my eyes out at the sight of my baby being born. It was almost hard to see through my tears, but I rushed to the head of the bed and rubbed Mrs. H's arm and heard her say that we had a boy. Once I heard Emron cry, I just had to touch him, so I softly felt his head while they were cleaning him up as he was laying on Mrs. H's chest. That was the most amazing thing I had ever seen happen. I watched as the nurses and midwife did all they needed to do, and after a short while, they said I could cut his umbilical cord. That was pretty cool and so different for me. After that, they needed to weigh him and get him all cleaned up and do the usual stuff, but I couldn't let him out of my sight, so I followed the nurses all over our room as they moved him around to do all of their duties. I was just so amazed to see this new life start and I just had to touch him and feel him as much as I could, even though I mostly just felt his hands, feet, and softly touched his head. I couldn't stop talking to him and looking at him as closely as I could. I focused on looking at him and talking to him so much, that I didn't even know what the nurses were doing with him.

Once they finished, they bundled him up and carried him over to Mrs. H. so she could hold him more. While they did that, I went out to the hallway to let KK and Mrs. H's dad know that we had a beautiful baby boy. When I tried to speak, nothing came out but some squeaks and crying, and of course lots of tears, so KK was afraid something was wrong. I managed to get out the words to tell KK that he had a baby brother, and I told him that everything was fine, that I was just super happy. He immediately got super excited and jumped up and down, and Mrs. H's dad was super happy too. We all went into the room together so they could hold Emron. KK held him right away and was beyond thrilled to be holding his little brother, until he felt something warm and wet. We knew right away that Emron just peed on his big brother. KK handed him back to me and I carried him over to the warming table, where I unwrapped him and we realized that Emron pooped on KK too. I guess he really wanted to start their sibling rivalry off with a bang. After getting some fresh blankets wrapped around Emron, I finally got to really cuddle with him and take in the moment, which is hard to put into words, but I'll try to.

I could only come up with one way or analogy to describe seeing my baby born into this world. It was like seeing the door of Heaven open up for just a few seconds, and feeling just a bit of Heaven's perfectness spill out onto me. To put it into a more Earthly analogy, imagine walking around all day in the sweltering summer heat, and then knocking on the door of a loved one's house. When that door is opened for your loved one to come out and greet you, you feel a short blast of cold air rush out from the A/C. It's that little bit of bliss that slips out and hits you, that feels amazing. Seeing Emron born, and knowing that he was just with our Heavenly Father, waiting to join our family in this world, was that door opening, and I could feel our Heavenly Father's love, and the perfectness that He created, slip out of Heaven onto us in that moment. It's something I don't think I can ever forget!


  1. No dry eyes here...what a BEAUTIFUL post Mr. H. I cannot tell you how overjoyed I am that Mrs. H has found you! Your love and support for her is wonderful and breathtaking. I know this little boy is so lucky to have you (as is KK).

  2. What a great side to the story. Congratulations!!!


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