On My Mind Lately

G is coming back to Ohio on Saturday. I have a mix of feelings about this...mostly because G is the hardest and most emotionally draining kid I have EVER met! I know he has a better future living with us....but that also means Mr H. and I have some pretty big issues to tackle with him.

My ankle is not feeling better and I am afraid of a fracture. The sucky thing is that we do not have insurance, the boys do, but Mr H. and I don't. Mr H. has access to insurance through his work, but it's $1360/month plus a $5000 deductible on every dependent. We should just set money aside for accidents that may happen. I should talk to Mr H. about doing that...

Mr H. has started flying lessons, as in going up in an airplane and learning how to fly. I am glad that he is happy and I know that he has wanted to do this for a very long time. He's even saved up money for it so we're not tapping into our savings or checking. I just think the timing was off. He has been working on my sister's car, he's going to school, and I hurt my ankle and need help at home more. I don't want to take this away from him but I just think the timing could have been better.

I am very obsessive. I don't like people touching my things and I am very observant. I can tell if people have moved items. I think I may be a little OCD. I know I have CDO (everything of mine is alphabetized) and yes, it makes me go crazy when people do not put things back in the alphabetical order, or any order!

I am nervous about having a sitter for KK when I go back to school in the fall. JM will be moving once she is married. I am afraid RR will get married and move to Utah, and AA is going to school too. I'm just afraid...I don't know what I should do once I don't have a sitter anymore. I guess, the "unknown" makes me nervous.

I want a baby. Well, not RIGHT NOW! I want to finish school and get a good job. But I eventually want to bring a life into this world again. I want to experience a good labor and a healthy natural birth. Maybe, one day!?

Because my ankle is so screwed up I can't clean my house. Once I am down on the floor I can't get back up. I look around the house and all I see is mess, mess, mess. I need help cleaning, but no one is here. I've cleaned both bathrooms, kitchen, and the TV room in 1 week, it took so long. I just want to be healthy again.

KK's dad has not had physical contact with KK since July 4th (he's called him once or twice). It's wearing on KK. He keeps asking if he can go over to his house. When I say that he can't or that he hasn't called me back I know it hurts him. He looks like he is on the verge of tears but tries to hold back. I've even offered to bring KK over, but so far he is too busy to have KK come over or even call KK. It's sad, but what really upsets me is that I am the one who has to pick up KK's broken heart. *To his family who reads this, I do not blame you. He can make up his own mind and right now it's pretty clear what that is. My intention is not to lash out or to be mean. I wrote this because this is something that has been weighing on my mind lately*

I'm sure there are lots more things going on in my head but that's all I can think of...I'm tired and going to bed. Goodnight friends and family.