Happy Birthday ET!

Your 3rd birthday is one I will not forget.  Taking you to the ER is definitely NOT anything I thought about doing on your birthday.  I'm so glad that you are feeling better, despite still having hives.  ET I love you so much!  I am so glad that you are part of our family.  You bring me such great joy!  I see the love that you have for your family, especially your brother.  You are continually learning and growing.  I am proud of you for adjusting to preschool.  You are doing so well with new words and and learning to put those words into sentences.

You have gotten so big and although you are only 3 years old, it seems like you have been with us much longer than that!  I cannot imagine our life without you.  

I love that you are still a momma's boy and you love to cuddle with me.  Today, you wanted me to lay down with you during nap time.  I loved watching your eyelids get heavy and your breathing deepen.  You look so peaceful as you sleep.  And it always makes me laugh as your binky falls out of your mouth but you still think it's there and continue to move your tongue .

I love how silly you are.  You love to be a daredevil and give mom heart attacks almost every day.  You are VERY independent and like to do everything yourself, including climbing into your carseat.  

ET you are THREE years old!  It makes my heart so happy to see you growing into the little boy you are.  I just can't express it enough.  So I'll end this post and go see you sleep in your room and kiss you again.  

XOXO MOM

Hivey Birthday!

On Monday night my kids spent the night at my parents house because there was a 2 hour delay for school the next day.  When the kids woke up my mom noticed hives all over ET's torso.  She sent me this picture. I didn't think much of it, give him benadryl and I figured they would go away.  

The next picture she sent was this one, she took KK and ET to the splash pad and he looked like he was having a great time.  Mom even said that the hives were clearing a bit.

After working 13 hours, I called Mr. H. to let him know that I was on my way home.  He was KK's soccer practice and he said that ET's hives were still there and now he refuses to walk or sit.  Mr. H. said the only position comfortable for him was to lay down.  I asked for a picture.

By the time I got home, his hives spread to his face, neck, arms, and legs.  His legs and feet were swollen, as well as his hands.  He couldn't walk/stand or even hold things with his hands.

After baths, brushing teeth, and nightly prayers we tucked to boys into bed.  My plans were to call ET's doctors office in the morning.  Mr. H and I have been binge watching Big Bang Theory and after a couple episodes, I went to check on the kids and kiss them goodnight one more time and I noticed that ET's lips were swelling and there were more hives.  My first thought is his air-way.  I was afraid that if we waited until the morning that his airway would be compromised and we wouldn't know because we all were sleeping.  I was already tired from working my shift, but we made the decision to take him to Children's ER.

It was midnight when I left for the hospital.  KK was still asleep so Mr. H, stayed at home.  By the time I got there, his eyes and ears were swelling.  They got us in pretty quickly.  He was satting at 100% and no wheezing or stridor, which was good.  The whole time we were there he kept saying, "I go home and take a nap".  He didn't want to be there anymore.  I cuddled and sang to him, hoping he would fall asleep.  He got VERY tired, but didn't sleep.  The doctor was awesome, he made ET feel comfortable while he poked and looked at ET.  One of the nurses also gave him 3 new hot wheels cars for his birthday!  I digress, Doctor said, "a lot of times we have no idea what causes an allergic reaction."  Which, if you think about it, it's kind of scary.  Since benadryl didn't seem to be working, the doctor prescribed atarax and steriods.  He received his first dose before we left the hospital.  We got home at about 3:30 in the morning.  I was exhausted.  And after getting ET comfortable in bed and texting family to let them know we were home I finally went to bed and closed my eyes...only to check on him about 5 more times until I woke up for the day.

This morning, his hives almost completely went away.  He is able to walk and to grip things in his hands.  That made me very happy.  He took his meds like a champ throughout the day and we celebrated his birthday by going out to lunch with Mr. H.  We plan on doing something special this weekend.

His lips are still a little swollen, but nothing like they did at the hospital.

About 2 hours after these pictures above were taken, I noticed that ET's hives were coming back.  All over his back and face.  I'm worried because we don't know when he is getting into.  Nothing is different...soaps, detergent, food, I can't think of anything, except that he slept over at my parents house and he's never done that before.

This is at bedtime, after medication was given.  You can see the hives around his eyes.  He has a doctor's well check visit tomorrow and you better believe that I'm going to want her to address this and give me guidance.  He can't continue to have reactions like this.  I'm hoping for some answers.  In the meantime, I will continue to check on him throughout the night...because I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH!

First Big Boo Boo

Last night KK wanted his nails done, this was his pattern idea.  He wanted to take a picture and send it to his Grandma in Virginia.  This morning when he woke up, he couldn't stop looking at his nails and he was happy.  

On this Valentine's Day I am grateful that I wasn't working.  We didn't have anything planned except to go to church and be with family.  Church was uplifting, I love my calling as a primary teacher.  Mr. H. and I are team teachers, which is perfect for when I am at work, he can teach the kids.  We teach KK's class, kids who are 9 and are going to turn 10 this year.  10 years old, I cannot believe that KK will be 10.  He has grown up so fast.  I have loved most every minute of it.  While I am thinking about it, ET will be 3 this summer.  He also has grown up so fast and I have loved most every minute of it.  Except for the Boo Boo's.  Tonight before dinner ET was crawling off our bed and his feet slipped from under a box he was standing on and he smacked his mouth on the foot board of the bed. I didn't see it, but Mr. H. was there.  He either bit through his lip, or when he hit the foot board with his mouth he bit his lip too.  Not quite sure, but he was bleeding pretty good.  He probably needed a couple stitches under his lip, but the trauma from the numbing shot and doctor and nurse in his face, I didn't think it was worth it.  More than likely he will have a scar.  The bleeding eventually slowed and he was eating and drinking normally so we didn't bother with an urgent care visit.  I've made the same decision with KK, click here.  I guess being a nurse, my kids will need to have bones sticking out and missing limbs in order for me to justify taking them to the hospital.  But, in all seriousness, ET seemed to have recovered nicely, but now has a swollen lip.  Tonight, sucking his binkie was hurting him, but his binkie still gives him that comfort so he's been just keeping it in his mouth.

My Handsome Boys

It's been a while since I have made an appearance on this blog, but I would like to start getting back into it.  I love using it as a means to record family activities and the things the boys are doing.  I thought I would start with these fun pictures.  I love the expressions they have and how much fun they have with each other.  KK was meant to be a big brother.  Look at ET's expression when he looks at his big brother.  I'm so happy to have my family and that I am their mom

My Greatest Helper

To say that KK loves his brother would be an understatement.  He just can't get enough of ET and honestly, I think ET can't get enough of KK.  Today, KK was in my room wanting to play video games on my TV while I folded laundry in the other room.  KK asked if ET could stay with him.  ET just laid there looking at his big brother.  When ET would start whimpering KK would put his binky back in his mouth.  I had 20 mins of peace while I folded, it was wonderful.  But today isn't an isolated incident.  As I have looked through the pictures I have, there are many times that KK has wanted to help take care of his little brother.  Here are a few pictures to enjoy!

KK holding ET for the very first time

At the hospital...hanging out with his brother.  KK actually brought his pink blanket and told me that he will share the blanket with his brother.

My camera phone light is too bright for these two but they love each other

KK ALWAYS wants to hold his brother.

ALWAYS!

This is the first time that ET was given a bottle,  He ate it like a champ.  No nipple confusion on this boy!

They love bath time together!

KK loves walking around the house like this until he remembers that he can't run with the baby like that!

He likes playing with him and doing weird things...like putting ET into a box filled with packing peanuts

ET has no idea what's going on

These next pictures are typical/everyday KK and ET reactions to each other

This picture cracks me up

KK LOVES getting in his face.  Sometimes it scares ET and he starts crying, then KK gets very sad and thinks his brother hates him, when in fact KK just scared him.  I've tried to explain that most people don't like someone putting their face in front of another's so close

I'm so in love with my family and I am grateful for the wonderful love and support both Mr H. and KK gives to me as I try and take care of the baby.  I really can't imagine my life without any one of my boys!

Adjustments

First of all, I cannot believe that it has been 5 and a half weeks since I have had ET.  I really couldn't imagine my life without him.  He's gotten so big, he's not my little newborn anymore!  His 0-3 month clothes almost don't fit him anymore and it's sad!  My boys never stayed little for long, they plump up so quickly...I guess I feed them well!  Life has been full of adjustments...sleeping, eating, activities, every single thing I do each day is different than it was 6 weeks ago.  I don't get out much and even though physically I should be able to get things done, such as cleaning...ET wants to be held all of the time.  There are a lot of times during the day that I just have to let him cry it out while I get things done.  Then there's the issue of KK feeling left out at times or a bit of jealousy.  I know all kids go through it, but for KK, he KNOWS what it was like before ET, whereas, when my brother came along when I was 22 months I didn't know a difference.  I may have showed jealousy but couldn't verbalize it and eventually it was fine.  But I'm afraid that KK will have a harder time because he was an only child for so long.  But he LOVES his brother and wants to help out in every way, baths, changing, carrying him, putting his binky in, etc.  Although he has been an only child for so long, he has also waited to be a big brother for a very long time.  It has been a big adjustment for our family, but we won't have it any other way!

Today was a rough day.  Well, it's been a rough week.  Mr H has been studying for an exam and doing homework so it's been hard for him to help me out with the boys and bedtimes and meltdowns.  We had a meltdown today with both of them while dad was at work.  KK loves to play and he grabbed a couple balls to throw them at me, I wasn't paying attention and the ball he chose to throw was NOT soft, it came pelting at my face, made me yelp in pain, and had my eyes watering.  I was shocked and wasn't expecting that, but KK felt so horrible.  He ran to his room, locked his door, and said he wanted to be alone.  I tried consoling him, but he was crying so hard.  I know he didn't mean to hurt me, that it was an accident, but even so, it threw him into a huge fit.  The only I could think about was to change the subject.  "KK, do you like to make cupcakes or cakes?"  Cakes.  "Should we make a cake!?"  "What kind of cake!?"  So we made a cake using the yellow cake mix.  KK decided that the cake needed color, but he couldn't decide on one color, so this was our creation.  Sorry no after photo, but I'll let you know that it was delicious.  I'm glad it took KK's mind off of hurting me.  He's so tender-hearted and doesn't like to hurt anyone.  I love him so!

Our Masterpiece

Licking the spoon

While the cake was baking, I found this bag of legos that has an instructional manual to make things out of the set of legos.  He LOVES making things and following directions.  I love him so much!

He played with the legos for about an hour and a half!  I know what he's getting for his birthday!

I'm glad that KK was entertained with the legos so that I could deal with this little monster while he had a melt-down.  "Mom, feed me!"  "Don't set me down!"  "DON'T move my hand!"  Everytime I moved his hand off of my chest he would throw it back up there!  And after I really looked at this picture, ET is flipping the camera off with his other hand!  Haha, it made me laugh.

On the Road to Recovery

When I was pregnant with ET, I felt overwhelmed like a lot of new moms, what to pack for the hospital, what's the birth plan, another c-section or VBAC, how was the birth going to go, recovery?  Tons of questions and some wouldn't be answered until the baby was delivered.  There was a lot of reading and a lot of talking to others.  I don't think it helped my anxiety reading about other peoples horror stories about birth and recovery, I even had my very own Horror Story.  And every single person's experience is different, it was hard to get an idea of what I should expect. Therefore, I didn't know what to expect when I did give birth.

I knew that I wanted to try for a VBAC, I did NOT want another c-section.  That was too difficult for me to recover from, granted, a normal (non-critical emergency) c-section may be an easier recovery than I had, as well as taking time to heal (I went back to work one week after having KK!).  I knew the only reason for a c-section for baby #2 was if there was no other choice (for the baby's safety, my safety, etc).

I knew that I wanted to try a natural birth.  I didn't know if I would be able to last very long but I wanted to see how far I could go before asking for an epidural, because in my birth plan, I didn't want anyone to suggest drugs to me.  I wanted to ask for them when it became unbearable.  I was afraid that if someone suggested something that I would cave in and I didn't want to cave, until I just couldn't take it anymore.

I also knew that I wanted to have a birth coach with me, to help me focus my energy and to remind me to relax and breath.  This was Mr H.'s first birth experience and he had no idea what he was getting himself into.  I wanted to have someone forcing me to stay on task and she was able to.  I also needed someone who was going to be my advocate and she was able to do that too.

Once I had ET, I felt great.  I didn't know a person could feel that good after having a baby.  I seriously wanted to do it again!  That's crazy talk, but I really wanted to give birth again!  I must have had special hormones running through me, but I told Mr H. that I couldn't wait to get pregnant and have another baby!  I NEVER felt like that after KK.  It was such a high!  And because of the epidural, I didn't quite feel the pain.  And even once the epidural faded, the pain was tolerable as long as I took my medication, although, a couple times I had to ask for vicodin because the motrin wasn't strong enough.

Going to the bathroom (#1) was alright for the most part as long as I had that warm water spray bottle to spray on myself.  Showers helped too.  I never used the sitz bath or the tucks pads but brought both of them home.  Showers were great, being able to get clean made me feel like another woman and the warm water helped with the pain.  Most of the pain came from ripping, I was so swollen...but that's what happens!  The whole time, I kept thinking, that this recovery was WAY better than a c-section!  After having a VBAC, I could never chose a c-section.

While at home, recovery continued and was tolerable as long as I took my medication.  Even when ET ate, I couldn't feel my uterus contracting.  I still continued to use the warm water spray when using the bathroom.  And finally when I went #2, it was scary but wasn't as bad as I was expecting.

This recovery has been better than I could have hoped for.  I've been able to move around, get up and down, walk KK to the school bus, do a bit of housework, bend over, etc.  I feel like I can do anything...although, Mr H. won't let me.  He makes me sit down and rest, he knows that I will push myself too much.  He's been taking great care of me.  I'm lucky to have him.

Today, at 16 days post delivery, I feel probably about 90% recovered.  I haven't taken any medication in 3 days, the swelling is down, the bathroom trips aren't scary anymore, I'm able to carry the carseat without difficulties, and I'm getting out and about a lot.  I've also lost 21 pounds so far!  I am grateful for this speedy recovery.  I know that my experience with recovery is NOT what all woman go through but I'm hoping that this is typical for me, for the sake of the next child and the next.

What's in a Name!?

My name is very unique, I could never find keychains with my name on it, people always misspelled it and mispronounced it, and I vowed to never do that to my kids.  Well, I broke that vow with baby #2.  But before go into that, let me explain how my name came into existence.

 When my parents became pregnant with me there were no routine ultrasounds.  Ultrasounds were brand new and used only if the doctors felt there was a problem.  So back in the day, couples would only find out the gender of the baby if they needed an amniocentesis.   My mom never needed an amniocentesis when she was pregnant with me, but my dad KNEW that I was a girl...he just knew it.  So the name game began.  They talked about Camilla, Naomi, and Aubrey.  But one night, as my dad slept, he had a dream.  He had a dream and heard my name and saw how to spell it...Chole (Show-lee).  My dad woke my mom up and told her about it and told her that is what they were going to name me.  And that's how my name came into existence.

Growing up, I really disliked my name, it was hard for people to pronounce it and spell it.  Like lots of kids, I was teased about my name "Holy Moly here comes Chole!"  My parents tried to make me feel special, since I was not able to buy anything with my name on it.  I remember once, when we were at 6-Flags there was a booth where a person would engrave names on a silver ring for $100!  I showed my mom what they were doing, knowing all good and well, that my parents couldn't afford having one made for me.  She must have had her motherly heartstrings pulled because without my knowing, she had one of those rings made for me and later gave it to me.  I was SOOO super excited, I wore that ring all of the time...I still had the ring, up until my divorce, when my X kicked KK and I out of our house.  I must had left that behind because I haven't been able to find it ANYWHERE!  It makes me a little sad when I think about it, but I can't do much about it...I lost a lot during that time, and I'm not just talking about possessions.  But anyway, while growing up, I told myself that I would never name one of my children a unique name that had to be specially made and I couldn't just buy a placard at the store.

Even though I told myself that I would never do that, I changed my mind with child # 2.  While pregnant, we chose not to find out the gender so we had to think of boys names and girls names.  It took a LONG time to figure out what we liked.  Mr H. would suggest something, I didn't like it...I'd suggest a name and he didn't like it.  At one point, we finally decided on middle names we liked and wanted to use.  If the baby was a girl, we like Evelyn as a middle name and Thomas for a boy.  Well, now we had to decide on first names.  On our trip to Epcot in Disney, while we were in Norway, Mr H suggested a girl's name that I REALLY liked, it is a name that is unique.  If we had a girl she would have been named that name.  I was so certain that I was having a girl during this pregnancy that we hardly talked about boys names.  Going into delivery we still thought that it was a girl, so when the baby was delivered and I saw boy parts I was happily shocked.  No disappointment at all, just purely surprised.  Once his cord was cut and he was placed on the heated table Mr H. looked at me and said, "Should we name him Emron, what do you think?"

Emron is a name that I suggested to Mr H. and he didn't like it.  So I kind of scratched it off my list, even though it was my favorite name suggested.  One day, while pregnant, the name just came to me.  I can't explain it...it just popped in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about the name.  I went through all sorts of ways I could spell it.  I suggested the name to Mr H. and asked how it would be spelled, E-M-R-O-N, I said.  I also told him that he would have Mr H's granddads initials E.T., although he was Ervie Thomas.  But still, Mr H., didn't really like it.  But I guess, from the time I suggested the name until the delivery he had been rolling the name around in his head and once the baby made his appearance, Mr H. thought that that name fit our little boy.  I was excited when he asked me if we should name him Emron because I have liked that name since it popped into my head.

I knew that when we named him people would mispronounce his name...that was a given.  I knew people would think it was pronounced as EM-RON, but it's pronounced as EM-REN.  When we announced his birth and the name we chose, a friend said that she likes the name and it's awesome that it's in the Book of Mormon.  Wait what!?  I had NO idea that the name Emron was in the Book of Mormon until she mentioned it.  So naturally I had to look it up and Moroni said that he is a choice man.  I would have to agree, my Emron is a choice man (although he's not a man now, he will be).

I am so excited that this choice spirit is in our lives.  And now that he's here, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

The Birth Story

Warning: This is going to be a very long and TMI-ish post.  So read at your own will, if you don't want to read, you can always scroll down to the pictures!

Thursday, August 29
I had an OB appt, and was checked and was 4cm dilated, 70% effaced, and 0 station, no further progress from last week.  But Jeremy did say that he thought it would be "anytime soon" which could be between today and 2 weeks from now.  We asked if there was anything more we could do to speed things along...a chiropractic adjustment was mentioned along with other things, using a breast pump, evening primrose oil, massage, etc.

After the OB appt I had to pick up KK from school because he had a dentist appt and the follow up from his nose being cauterized.  At the dentist, he had a cleaning and they found no cavities!  I was so super excited.  We've been trying to do better with brushing his teeth, now we just have to be better with flossing.  After the dentist we went to Goodwill and I found a crib set that I really liked and it is gender neutral so I bought it.  KK's ENT appt went very well, everything looks like it is healing beautifully and the doctor said he doesn't need to see him back unless he starts having bloody noses again.  But from the surgery until now, he has had 1 very small bloody nose.

KK had soccer practice later on in the day and after that my parents met us back at our house.  My dad wanted to go swimming and my mom was going to teach me to can tomatoes, since I had a TON of ripened tomatoes that needed to be used before it was too late.  So while Dad, Mr H., and KK went to the pool, my mom and I started canning the tomatoes.  Although, I should say, my mom pretty much did all of the work.  My back was in soo much pain, it had been progressively becoming more painful for a couple of days.  So, mom had me sit and relax a bit and she just canned the tomatoes for me.  I LOVE my mom!

When the boys came back, Mr H. ran to 'Five Guys' to pick up dinner for all of us while KK got dressed and my dad showered in KK's bathroom.  Mom and I ate our food while we waited for some of the jars to set and the others were submerged in the boiling water.  I had to leave for a book club meeting before mom and dad were ready to leave.  From what Mr H told me, mom finished the canning and got KK ready for bed and even read him part of the Harry Potter book we're in the middle of.

Book Club is always fun, it's pretty much talk about the book for a half hour and chit-chat for the rest of the time.  Great food/snacks and great girl time.  I must have been showing signs of being in pain or something because a couple of the girls asked if I was alright.  They even joked about getting a towel for me to sit on just in case.  They all told me that they probably won't see me at church on Sunday...I laughed and told them that this baby was so stubborn that I will probably go into labor at 42 weeks.

Friday, August 30

I tossed and turned ALL night, I was so uncomfortable...my lower back and pelvis were killing me, not to mention all of the bathroom runs in the middle of the night.  I probably woke up every hour just trying to find a comfortable position.  I know that I tossed so much that I woke Mr H.  I claimed more than half of the bed...Mr H was so scrunched up on his side of the bed, I know it wasn't comfortable for him either.  I couldn't help it though...and he's a good sport, he just felt so bad that I couldn't get comfortable or get any sleep.  I woke up to my back hurting so badly...he suggested that I call his chiropractor and see if they could squeeze me in today.  I am lucky that the chiropractor is in our church family (ward) and he was able to squeeze me in for 9:15 am.

Once at the appointment, he took a look at me and was telling me that I should have seen him earlier because my right leg was about an inch shorter than my left and that could be the reason behind my pelvic pain.  He told me that I was so off, that I would need for come in a couple more times for adjustments just to get things right...he also said to come in after I have the baby to make everything better and aligned after labor.

After the adjustment I scheduled another for next Friday and then headed to McDonalds for breakfast...because it was on the way and I had a few other things I needed to do.  After picking that up, I headed to Wal-Greens to pick up KK's allergy medicine, pay for it, then when I walked to the car I felt a trickle in the middle of the parking lot.  "Hmmm...that's weird" I thought!  So I jumped into the car took a look at the time, 10:12 am and drove to the gas station, got out to start pumping and more trickling...I don't think I was wetting my pants, but maybe I could be!?  I was about 85% certain that my water broke.  So after pumping gas, I came home and tried to clean myself up in the bathroom.  I sat on the toilet and called Mr H. to tell him the news, mind you, I had just called him about 10 mins ago to tell him I was done at the chiropractors office and how that went.  So, when I called this time, he was joking with his co-workers saying that hopefully I was calling to say my water broke...and that's exactly what I said.  I told him not to rush home though...that I didn't feel any contractions yet.  The plan was to do most of the labor at home and just go to the hospital when it was unbearable.

I hopped in the shower to make sure that I was presentable and clean before things started progressing further.  After the shower, I tried putting on my bottom under clothes and a gush of amniotic fluid squirted onto the carpet next to my bed.  I just laid a towel over it, until I was able to clean it up later.  Mr H. came home fairly quickly and helped me clean up the mess and help finish packing the hospital bag.  The contractions had started, but they weren't bad at all...very tolerable.  I let my birth coach know that my water broke and told her that we would let her know when we were heading to the hospital.  I was still up and walking around, with a huge beach towel between my legs.  I stripped my bed sheets and started them in the wash...I wanted clean sheets when I came home from the hospital.  Mr H. was keeping track of the contractions, how far apart they were and how long they lasted.  I made sure that my dad would be able to pick up KK from school, I called the school and let them know KK would be parent pick up.  It's a good thing my dad took Friday off because of the holiday weekend.  Mr H and I discussed when we should go to the hospital, he wanted to go now (contractions were about 5 min apart and 35-45 seconds) and I wanted to wait...because they were tolerable.  So he convinced me that we should go to Wal-Mart and get a few last min things and eat lunch then we will go to the hospital.  So that's what we did, after paying for the last min items we needed, we headed to Chick-fil-a to order some lunch.  I knew that once I was at the hospital that they wouldn't let me eat until I had the baby, so I needed to make sure that my tummy was happy.

On the way to the hospital I felt a little foolish because I wasn't in major pain yet and I kinda felt like a wimp for going in before I was dying of pain.  But my contractions were 3 mins apart and 35-45 sec and I knew that I should be monitored.  They got us checked in and up to the triage area, where I gave them a specimen, was checked, and the amniotic fluid was collected to be examined.  We stayed in the triage area for a while until there was a room available.

Once in the room, my contractions kind of slowed down.  I wanted to walk but was told that they needed to check with the midwife.  I kept waiting for the answer from the midwife, but I never got it.  An IV was placed in my hand, it burned a whole lot...I thought my whole hand was on fire.  Saline was running as well as an antibiotic because I was GBS +.  I thought maybe the antibiotic made it burn, but after it had stopped infusing, my hand was still on fire.  I asked for the IV to be placed somewhere else.  A very kind nurse named Maulee (she was from Jamaica) placed another IV on the inside of my forearm and it felt better than the one placed in my hand.

Around 4pm  my nurse, Dawna, came into the room and with a very demanding tone, told me that she was going to start pitocin.  I told her no, that I would like to try some natural methods for helping the contractions move along.  She was very mean and said, "Your midwife already talked to you about pitocin and you guys consented and I need to start it now because you're not progressing!"  I asked her if I could walk.  She continued to TELL me that she was going to start pitocin and that I had been ruptured for a while now and nothing was happening.  Again, can I walk!?  Well, you're at risk for an infection once your water has broken and so pitocin needs to be started, I already talked to your midwife, she continued.  My birth coach piped in and explained that we wanted to try natural things to get my labor going first.  Boy, Dawna was NOT happy about that, and told Heather (birth coach), "Excuse me, who are you!?"  Heather explained who she was and told Dawna that she needs to take it down a notch because in our birth plan quiet voices are to be used.  Dawna was not happy to be told to tone it down.  She said that pitocin needed to be used or else she'll call the midwife.  "So basically you're not going to let me walk!?" I said.  After that, she LET me walk, but wasn't happy about it and told me that I only could walk for 20 mins.  During the walking my contractions did pick up, but once I was told to lay back down in the bed they stalled again.  Dawna was very adamant about starting pitocin, we asked to talk to the midwife, Dawna was clearly agitated.  While waiting for the midwife, I concentrated on relaxing, which was hard to do with a nurse like Dawna.  Mick, our midwife came in and apologized, because she had not, in fact, talked to us about pitocin.  I explained to Mick, that I didn't mind using pitocin, but first, I don't want to be bullied into using it and secondly, I wanted to exhaust all of my natural options first.  I asked if there was something else we could do before pitocin.  Mick was very understanding and said we could try the breast pump, but they would have to try and find one that wasn't currently being used in the family beginnings part of L&D.  While they tried to find a pump, my birth coach suggested that everyone give Mr H. and I alone time to try to stimulate the contractions naturally.

Once contractions started picking up, Mr H. continued to be very encouraging

Helping me through the contractions

Once the breast pump was ready so was shift change...THANK GOODNESS!  Danielle was my new nurse, it was like day and night compared to Dawna.  Danielle wheeled in the breast pump and the gadgets that went with it and helped me hook it up to myself.  By this time, the contractions were still tolerable but intense.  Danielle made me chuckle when I pulled down my gown to put the breast pump on, and she commented, "Oh the baby won't have any problem latching onto these!" We used the pump for an hour, 10 mins on and 10 mins off.  I could definitely feel the contractions intensifying and become more frequent.  They let my body rest for an hour with no more stimulation to see if that may have kick-started my body into regular contractions.  Now this is where my brain starts to go fuzzy...

...I know that eventually my contractions started dying out again and pitocin was our last option.  I was happy, though, because we exhausted all of our natural ways of progression.  They started it at the minimum dosage (2gtts/min).  I remember the contractions intensifying and began breathing hard and moaning through the contractions.  I didn't know who was in the room or what was being said because I was really concentrating on relaxing and blowing out the pain.  I shifted and changed positions, because all of my pain was in my back.  Having experienced normal labor and back labor, I can tell you that back labor SUCKS more!  There were people taking turns rubbing and massaging my lower back and legs, which I appreciate.  Heather was a great coach, talked to me gently, gave me places to go in my mind, she was amazing.  I was sitting on the birthing ball leaning on the side of the bed, breathing through the contractions, but eventually they got to a certain point when I couldn't take it anymore and I asked for Nubain.  I LOVE Nubain, I had it with KK, and it was just enough to kind of take the edge off for a little while and give my body a break and that's what I needed.  It was about midnight and I had been in labor since earlier in the day, I was tired and needed to rest my eyes.  After the medication I was finally able to close my eyes and rest for about an hour.  It was a wonderful hour...it was!  But I could tell when the meds wore off because the contractions were intense and they woke me up.

Saturday August 31

After laboring for an hour without any more medication, I realized that I couldn't do it anymore they were so intense and I was so tired.  I broke down and asked for an epidural, it was around 2:30am, about 16 hours after my water broke.  I kind of felt like I was giving up that I was a wuss, but it was so intense I thought I was going to die.  The initial poke of the numbing needle made me jump but the contractions I felt as I was curled up made it really difficult to sit still.  Once everything was in place both of my legs were becoming very numb and dead.  I needed help getting settled back into the bed.  I began to feel nauseous and threw up everything in my stomach, Mr H. was right by my side through all of it, even rubbing my shoulder as I puked (He MUST love me!).  I was so tired that once the epidural took effect, I closed my eyes and was knocked out for a little while.  I'm pretty sure that everyone else took a little nap too.

I wasn't able to get into a deep sleep, I could still feel pressure, I still needed vitals taken, and because I had an epidural I needed to be straight cathed every couple hours to make sure my bladder didn't get too full.  I missed my KK very much.  I hadn't seen him since early Friday morning after putting him in the bus.  I know he was being taken care of, but I still missed him lots!

Shift change was at 7am and we were bummed that Danielle wasn't going to be our nurse who helped our baby into the world, she had been great and respected our wishes.  She knew, however, that we did NOT want anyone like Dawna, so she made sure we got a nurse who would be like minded as her.  Our nurse was Lisa, who had someone orienting with her, was nice and they continued monitoring me.  They checked me and I was a 7, so I was told to rest.  I was excited to be a 7 because before that, I had been a 5 with no more progress.

Around 11am (I think!?) I started to feel some pressure and I asked to be checked and I was at a 10.  JM texted my dad to let him know I was ready to push very soon.  Even though I was at a 10, the baby was still high so they let me labor down.  After laboring down for about 20 mins, I started to feel some pretty good pressure.  I was checked and given the go-ahead to push, but Mr H. needed to run to the bathroom real quick.  Once he got back he saw KK and my dad in the hallway and brought KK into the room so that I could see him really quick before I started pushing.  It was so great seeing him, I missed him soo super much!  Once everything was situated I was given the green light to push.  The first push I blew out my air, instead of holding my breath, the midwife had me stop in the middle of that push and try again on the next contraction.  With the first real push I had the baby's head out, baby was suctioned, and the next contraction and push had the rest of the body out.  The baby was laid on my chest and it was so beautiful!

I was a little worried at first because the baby had a hard time breathing and moving the mucous out of its lungs.  The apgar scores were 8 and 9.  I finally lifted the baby up to see the gender and was pleasantly surprise to see boy parts, I cried, "It's a boy!"  During the whole pregnancy I thought the baby was a girl but was so happy to have a healthy little boy!  I was just in awe with my little boy!  I tore pretty good on both labia's and needed to be stitched up.  My birth coach needed to leave and go be with her family, I was grateful for all the help she gave me.  Mr H.'s reaction to seeing his first born son being brought into this world was priceless.  He was so emotional, it made me love him so much more...to see how much he valued and treasured this experience is just too difficult to put into words.  He got it!  He understood what a miracle this precious spirit is.

This is KK's reaction to hearing the baby cry for the first time.  I don't think I have EVER seen a more excited face on him than this one!

KK listening to the crying baby out in the hallway.  Notice the sandals he is wearing are mine!  lol

Once I was stitched up and decent my dad and KK came into the room to see the new baby.  I was so happy to see KK's reaction when he finally met his little brother.  He was over the moon!

I wish this picture was more clear, Mr H. was so happy to see his baby, he just couldn't get enough

First Family Photo

I love these boys

My children!  I get to say children and not child now!

I was so glad that it is done and he is here

Watching the nurse take the baby's vitals

  Hello World!  Meet Emron Thomas Hilsdorf, born August 31 at 11:54 am.  He weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces and was 19.5 inches long.