Lately, I've been very overwhelmed. Getting up to go to work is hard, working is hard, being a mom is hard, cooking can be hard, managing schedules is hard, LIFE...it's just hard. I've gotten to a point in life that being overwhelmed and anxious has taken a drastic extent on my family. At times I am debilitated, I CANNOT function. There have been times that I can not leave my house and when I am out, I just want to go back home, but when I'm home there is cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, organizing, etc...it's been a never-ending cycle of feeling overwhelmed. My husband tries, but he has a busy schedule too. I'm not sure what a good balance is. Mr. H and I talk about when he is done with school it will be better, when he finds a better job it will be better, when [fill in the blank] it will be better. I don't want to wait for things to be better. I need to see the BETTER in my everyday life. I need to be ok with a house that is not sparkly clean 24-7. I need to love life as we know it.
This is what our living room looked like a couple days ago. Clean clothes on the couch that ET has knocked down to the floor. Toys scattered through the room. KK comfortably watching a movie in his underwear. School papers on the couch because we were either getting ready to go through homework or we just finished it and KK hasn't put it away. Blankets all over the place because ET LOVES to wrap himself up with EVERY SINGLE blanket he can find. ET is happily playing with only a diaper on. I have a floor that only gets vacuumed once a week. This is my life, no filters, nothing to be embarrassed about, no reason to make people think that I have it all together because I don't. I love my family and play with my kids. I make sure my family has food to eat and clean the dishes when I can. I am learning to adjust my expectations, which is hard for me to do. I am a "work in progress" and hope to find that peace within myself so that I can be a better wife, mother, and daughter of God. I am eager to see where this journey takes me.