Friday, June 10, 2011

Baby Hungry

I was at Volleyball a couple weeks ago and found out that one of the sisters in the ward was pregnant. A couple weeks after that I noticed that another sister in the ward had a very swollen belly that I had not noticed before. And as you know, my sister, JM, is pregnant and so are both of my sister-in-laws. It seems as though all the women I know are getting pregnant or just had a baby. I am very happy for them and glad that they are adding to their family, but there is a little part of me that is super jealous. Jealous that they are adding to their family, jealous that they get to share the joy of a new life, jealous that, as of now, knowing that we will not have any more children. Mr H. is not interested nor does he want anymore children. This, as you see, has very much crushed my hopes and dreams of one day holding a newborn child of mine in my arms. But this entry isn't going to be about how wrong I think Mr H. is or how can I change his mind. No, I know that Mr H. feels very justified as to what his reasons are and I understand why he feels the way he does. But do I feel ENTIRELY different? Yes. But this isn't the time or place for it. Just knowing that KK might be the only child I have bore has made me treasure the time I have with him. I was looking at old videos of when he was a newborn tonight and it made me sad...knowing that there will be no baby for us. But it also made me smile because he was just so small and cute. Every child is a miracle and a gift from God and in the mean time I can get ready to hold, and smell, and cuddle, and kiss on the future gifts from God that my sister and sisters-in-law are going to have this year.

Check out these videos of a newborn KK


  1. I feel so jealous all the time, maybe especially because it's not even an option for me ANY TIME in the even distant future! I love my Jerimiah with all my heart, I even love my Little Angell girl but I didn't know that would be it. I have a hard time being happy for people, I put on a face (I'm usually better AFTER the baby is here)


  2. Awww... I'm so sorry Chole. I hope things start looking up for you all and that something might change sometime in the future and maybe you'll be blessed to be a mommy to a newborn again. You are such a great person and an incredible mom.


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